I want to keep going forward in life as Philippians 3:12-21 tells me to but I tend to find myself dwelling in the past a lot. I never know what to do or feel. I just keep avoiding things that could possibly resolve to the bad things that happened in the past. I do things based off the past. I stop myself from doing things I genuinely want to do and not letting myself free. The thing is that this isn't something that causes me to do this but I am doing this to myself.
It really doesn't feel good at all when I stop myself from moving on and doing what I want to do. It feels like a continuous trap that I put myself in. I don't know if this is a natural thing to do, by not letting yourself do things you want to do because you feel like it's going to end badly. In contrast, maybe things could be different, things would result differently and who knows maybe something good can come out of it? Maybe when you grow older, the same things you have experienced in the past could be different when it is done again in the present.
I'm not sure what am I suppose to follow. My heart or my mind? Sometimes you do things from your heart and sometimes from your mind. In certain situations, it's really obviously to either follow your heart or follow your mind but at other times, it's really difficult. I think this happens when your heart doesn't follow what your mind says or your mind doesn't follow what your heart says. It difficult to establish the fine line of knowing whether your mind is what you should follow or your heart.
God gave us wisdom and He teaches us what we should do in tough situations like these but it really isn't easy. God didn't say it is easy and nothing comes easy. I need to learn to keep faith and learn from God what I should do and ask God to guide me in my life and not doing things basing off what I want to do. He gives me a sense of freedom and shows me how I don't have to live in a trap. He sets me free.
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Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding. Acknowledge him in all your ways, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own estimation; fear the Lord and turn away from evil. -Proverbs 3:5-7
A side note: whenever I blog about my problems and how I feel, I tend to feel God speaking to me and giving me his word. When I lay out my problem specifically, He helps me a lot and I have always found my answers in Him. God is the answer.
