The past month, I've dealt with so much sadness, anger and pain. I didn't think that things will get better that quickly but it did. Sometimes I wonder if I'd ever go back, if I'd ever want what I had. But life goes forwards and not backwards. I won't go back even if I could. 

The past month, I've had so many questions but no real answers, only assumptions. I could only think and imagine how things would be. I could only reach for the past and replay past memories and pretend that everything was just how it used to be, that everything was normal. To me, normal was good but it wasn't for you. You always wanted more and to you, I wasn't enough even when you said to my face that I was. 

I've learnt that everything is a choice. You choose to be with someone. You choose to say things. You choose which path you want. You had freedom to choose but it all seemed like a trap to you. Since when did feelings turn into a routine? Since when did love turn into an obligation? It's all meant to be a choice. Doing things out of your own will. 

I am my own person and I have my choices too. My choice to feel and to respect.

//

you know everything is alright when the thoughts and memories that used to haunt you everyday are now just distant memories, a blur. they no longer replay constantly in your head but they stay still, no longer haunting you. they mean nothing anymore. they don't exist anymore.

memories you had with someone who broke your heart, they don't just remind you of how much they meant to you but they make you wonder what if everything was different. you know everything is alright when these memories fade and they no longer give you pain and sadness. these memories are so far gone, it's like it never even existed. 

when someone you loved so so much leaves you, you tend to want to grab hold of every single little thing that symbolises them. you would want to hold on and never let it go. you know everything is alright when you realise that letting go of what you have of that person that meant the world to you seems easy. 

everything is alright. I'm alright.